I didn't get up before the family this morning! I know that's my game plan for connecting and I typically like getting up before the family, but today I slept in. On Saturday morning I threw out my back lifting weights. I know it's a temporary thing and I know I'll be back to working out in a week or two, but for today that meant sleeping in and getting rest.
Exercise has always been a great outlet for me and that hasn't changed one bit in quarantine. With that being said however, I recognize that my body is a gift and right now I want to take care of it and help it get better. So, as annoying as it may be that I got hurt, my job now is to help this body heal and get back to a place where I can use it again! Where it can move freely and easily. Seriously, our bodies are so amazing!
I read something the other day that said your body is not a project that needs to be fixed. It's a vessel that needs love and care.
I LOVE that! And there are so many ways we can take care of and love our body. The foods we eat can be one way we show our bodies some love. The physical exercise we do is another way to love and take care of our bodies! And resting, when our bodies need it, is another way to take care of our bodies. Anyways, I love the wording here, and the principal! It shifts the focus from torturing our bodies into something the world tells us is beautiful, to loving our body for all that it does for us, and thanking it by taking care of it!
I have decided to quit teaching bodypump classes. I can feel that my desire to teach all together is fading quickly. Especially now that we have had this month and a half of zero time restraints. I know I've mentioned it before, but seeing how many restraints I have on my time and how limiting it is has been very eye opening. Not only does teaching a body pump class take up a fair amount of time to memorize it all, but it requires me to be in a certain place at a certain time. Not that this is a bad thing! Having responsibilities in life is a good thing. But so is being realistic with out time, and so is devoting the time we do have to things that matter most to us in life. Exercise does matter to me, that is never going to change! But I want my exercise time to be for me and then I want to move on to other things. I want to not be stressed about taking care of my home and making dinners. I love having a clean home and enjoy planning and cooking nutritious meals that I know are good for me. This is and of itself takes a lot of time! I love writing in my journal and reading scriptures or conference talks! I love sharing the good news of the gospel with other people through my blog posts. And I really want to work on the Shine project! And when my time is being taken up by other things (like memorizing bodypump) then the joy that I find in these other activities is diminished because of unnecessary stress.
I was surprised how hard it was to let go of this. Teaching classes has been something I have been doing since before Austin was born and it was such a sanity saver for me when my kids were little. Letting go of it felt like I was losing a part of myself. It wasn't until I was talking to Elizabeth and telling her how weird I felt, and she said I needed to mourn it, that I was okay with letting it go. She was totally right! Even though I don't want to teach any more and I am excited to not have the time restraint, I really did need to mourn the letting go if this. And once she said that, and I realized that is what I had been doing, then it was like it was over! It was like yup, I did need to mourn that loss, and I have, and now it's time to move forward with life!
And that was last Friday, and since then, I have gotten a lot of work done on the Shine project! And I am feeling like finally I am getting to work on what I want to share with the world! Its been years in the making! It's been years of almost admitting it to myself and then backing away. It's been years of flirting with the idea but then pulling myself back because it's not in my comfort zone. And now, finally, I am getting to work!
I am reminded of a scripture in Alma, I remember reading this scripture one time and thinking, "Yes, God, that! I want that!" The scripture is Alma 2:30 and in this scripture Alma and the Nephites are at war with Amlici and his followers and Alma and Amlici are fighting together with swords. Alma, recognizing that he could be killed at any moment, sends up a prayer to God saying, "O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, the I may be an instrument in thy hands and preserve this people."
I don't know why that scripture struck me the way it did, other than I remember thinking, and still do think that I want the same thing! I want to be an instrument in His hands to help other people! And even as his life was threatened, that is still what he wanted.
It may have taken me some time to get to this point, to the point where I can say I want that above fitness or an IG following or anything else, but I am there.
I want God to know that I am ready! I am here and I am willing to do what I can to hep other people come closer to Him and our Savior Jesus Christ!
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