One month, it's been one month since I wrote last. And even now, as I sit down to write I feel rushed. We've moved in with my in-laws and the change has been hard for me. Since the only place I can work out it outside, I have changed my day to accommodate my workouts. So now, when I first wake up, instead of doing my journaling and scripture reading, I do my workouts first thing. But as is so typical of me, that means I have a hard time fitting in my journaling and scripture reading through out the day. Once the day seems to start and the family is all up, it's harder for me.
And then the weekend happened. And as we went about our day on Saturday I had a memory, and I know it was God, reminding me what's really important!
You see, the feeling in our home as of late has been off. Everyone gets angry quicker. Jaren and I are walking on egg shells. The boys fight more. I shouted at Austin on Friday and I hate that!
And Saturday, while at Restoration Hardware picking out furniture for the house remodel, I remembered the summer in law school when Jaren was doing his internships. Here's what I remembered.
Jaren was doing extremely well in law school and he, like so many of the kids in-law school, was taking the summer to do some summer internships. An absurdly nigh number of students would get job offers from these summer internships. Like, probably over 85%. And Jaren, with his good grades and having two different internships, was very likely to get a job offer from one of these firms. We were totally, 100% depending on it.
I lived in Waco since I had a job there, and I would come up on the weekends and spend the weekend in Dallas with Jaren. Because we were not in our home ward, we never really went to church. And if we did, it was with Ron and Lisa in their war, and we would usually just go to sacrament meeting and head back to their house.
Instead, with the knowledge that a job was coming, and the good money that would come with that job, we spent our Sundays house hunting. I remember it so well! I remember day dreaming about the different homes we walked in! I remember being so pleased with how beautiful the homes were! I remember loving some of the neighborhoods and being so happy about it all!
But was God in our life? No! Did we give Him any of the credit for how well Jaren was doing? I can't speak for Jaren, but I know I didn't!
Anyways, at the end of the summer, Jaren didn't get a job offer from either of those firms. And Austin was born a few months later and we still didn't have a job. I went back to work even though I really wanted to stay home. Jaren graduated and he still didn't have a job. We didn't move into any of those beautiful homes, instead we moved in with his parents because we had nowhere else to go.
Did we remember God at this point? Yes! Did we NEED Him? Absolutely!!
It's like the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon!
"When the Nephites are righteous, God blesses them and they prosper. After a time, they become prideful and wicked, making choices that lead to destruction and suffering. Then they are humbled and inspired to repent, and God blesses them once again. the pattern repeats itself so often that some people call it the 'pride cycle.'" (Come, Follow Me. Book of Mormon 2020, p. 131.)
So here we were, on Saturday, looking at furniture for our home that is being remodeled. I am excited about the new home, just like I was when we were in law school! My focus has been on that! Have I been turning to God? Not as often as I should be! Not at all, really, in the last three weeks!
And there it was, a very subtle, but very real nudge, from the spirit, showing me a past, reminding me of that girl, and how I don't want to be that again.
I told Jaren about my memory while lying in bed that night and we both agreed we need to do more.
We started the very next day at our home church. We watched a video for our opening song and immediately the spirit filled the room. It was so strong that it brought tears to my eyes. I knew, that God knew, that I had received the message. And I knew, that He knew, that I was trying! The spirit that was so strong and touched me so deeply it reminded me of the talk titled "The Immediate Goodness of God." He wasted no time! He asked me to change and when I out forth even the tiniest bit of effort, there was no penalty! There was no shame! There was just love, and His spirit, which He is so willing and ready to share with us!
I'm still trying! Right now, today!
Today in my scripture reading the quote that I wrote down was from Helaman 7:8, and it says "...then would my soul have had joy in righteousness." So in the sidelines of my scriptures I wrote "My soul finds JOY in righteousness."
And it's true! Here, doing this, with God in my life, and by my side, is how I find true joy!
I went back and read how this journal entry started. I felt rushed, I was stressed. And as so often it happens, I now feel peace! It's pretty crazy to me how journaling can do that!
"With God, life is oh so good!" -Al Carraway. 😀
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