The last week has been HARD! Covid is taking a toll on me in a very negative way. I didn't work out this past week, at all. I didn't read my scriptures, at all. I have been angry at life! I have been angry with Jaren! I have mean to my kids! I have done pretty much nothing but play on my phone all day. When I get my weekly screen time report on Sunday it's going to be like ... an average of 12 hours a day or something like that.
Last night I finally caved and said a prayer. It was short, but it was sincere. I just told God the truth. I told Him that all this anger I have is just making how I really feel. I am jealous of Kira, Ashley and Lindsey that they get to go to the gym and work out. I am jealous of all the parents who's kids are in school and have a few hours to themselves each day. I am angry at Jaren for leaving me home when I am so lonely. I am mad at him for him not wanting me to join a gym. And I MISS the gym so badly! And I MISS church so badly! And I am so damn tired of feeling everything negative and nothing positive and I asked Him to take them all, take all the feelings and give them to my Savior because I don't want to feel this way anymore! And I don't know how to do this on my own. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings on my own and I desperately need Him to step in and help.
I wish I could day that I woke up this morning and immediately felt better, but I don't. I feel like I am walking a very fragile line and I may tip over at any moment. But there good news is, I am out fo bed! I am not laying in bed playing on my phone. So at this today is starting out better than any other day has so far.
Now, I am going to work on the SHINE project. I only have one month until we do the first month with the young women and I want to be prepared!!
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