It's been three weeks since isolation has started due to Covid-19 and I have been struggling. This new life is not a bad one, it's just a different one, and until today I haven't really known WHY this has been so hard for me, and why I have been struggling with feelings of not-good-enough. It boils down to this concept, connection creates confidence! Three weeks ago I had a routine, and as part of that routine I had time each day to connect with God. Now that life has been turned up-side-down, so has my routine, and so has my connection to God.
As I wrote in my journal today and expressed my frustrations, the realization came to me that a new routine needs to be developed. As I wrote I had the most peaceful feeling come over me. I knew that God wanted me to know that He is a patient God, and that He understands that life has thrown us a curve ball. I knew that He is not upset with me and that He is still here and still loves me, despite my feelings of not being enough. And in that moment, just like it so often does when you feel God's love, everything in my mind shifted. With the love of God now in my heart, there was no room for feelings of not good enough. It reminded me of this amazing talk by Elder Uchtodorf titled The Hope of God's Light, where he says , "Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness."
I am His! He knows my situation! and He is not only patient while I figure this out, but He desperately wants me to be more patient and loving with myself!!
This concept, that connection creates confidence, boils down to this quote from Brené Brown, "We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, be loved and to belong." I love this quote because it really drives home this notion that each one of us NEEDS to be loved, and we need it deeply! I also love how she ties love into belonging, because those two things go hand-in-hand. You might be wondering how, so here's an example.
Can you think of a time when you felt like you could be totally you? Really think about this, a time when you could let your whole personality come through without a care in the world. Maybe it was dancing and singing in the car with a good friend. Maybe it was laughing around the dinner table with your family. Whatever the situation may be, one thing is always present in times like these, you knew you belonged! You knew, that with these people, you were loved, and therefore you belonged here. And once you have that knowledge, whether you realize where it's coming from or not, you can confidently be you, totally 100% you!!!
On the contrast, when you're in a new setting, with new people that you don't know yet, it's harder to be you. This makes sense, right? If we go back to Brené's quote about how we are wired to be loved and belong, well - when with a new group of people whom we don't know yet, there is no basis for love and belonging. Will they judge me if I am myself? Will they think I'm weird if I do (fill in the blank). Judge you! Think you're weird! Both of those are the opposite of love and belonging and make it harder to confidently be you.
So, the real question is, how do you get to a place where you can confidently be you in the face of our ever changing world? Situations change, people change, often times from minute-to-minute and hour-to-hour. Is it possible to get to a place where you can carry that love and belonging with you at all times, and confidently present YOU?!?!
YES!
This concept, that we are free to be and act like ourselves when surrounded by family and friends, is magnified when applied to our Heavenly Father. If confidence comes by knowing we are loved and that we belong, then good news, we are loved, we belong! YOU ARE LOVED! All! The! Time! You can carry that knowledge with you, constantly giving you the confidence to be YOU!!!
Maybe you're like me, maybe this curveball we've been thrown has caused your routine to be turned up-side-down as well! Join me, as I commit to revamping up my routine to create a connection with God!
When I think of HOW to best do that, I find that having a consistent time every day helps make sure I actually accomplish the things I want to. In her talk titled Spiritual Capacity, Michelle Craig says, "As you use your agency to carve out time every day to draw close to God’s voice ...His voice will become clearer and more familiar to you...Pick a time and place, and listen for God’s voice every day. And keep this sacred appointment with exactness, for so very much depends on it!" I have learned that, like she said, picking a time and place and keeping that appointment with exactness has been a key point to my success in the past, and it is what I will do again now as I re-commit.
I want to be clear on WHY this is important! It's not important to God when or how it gets done, it's just important that it does. Keeping the time the same every day is a way to help US accomplish what we want, not a strict requirement on God's part. As an early bird, I find that the early mornings are best. I love to be up and be in my scriptures or journal as the sun comes up and the house is quiet. For me, once the hustle and bustle of the day gets started I have a very hard time stopping life and creating a quiet space to really connect with God. But, on the mornings I sleep in, or fall asleep during my morning prayers because I'm so tired, God isn't mad! He probably chuckles every time I fall asleep mid prayer and thinks "We'll finish this later, shall we?" The setting of a schedule is merely a way to make sure we know when we are going to get it done, and so it doesn't slip through the cracks of our busy lives!! It is not a way to show or enforce a strict, power hungry God. Please remember through all of this how patient and loving God is, and how excited He is to connect with you!
The world needs you (Matthew 5:16). God needs you to know of your worth and value. And I know that when you take the time to connect with God, He can give you a deep and lasting confidence!
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