Last night we had an all young women's zoom call and I was so excited for it! Meagan and I had planned a great lesson, she was going to take the first part and I was going to take the second. In the end, Meagan ended up using the whole time and I didn't get to share any of my lesson. And I am super annoyed about it, if I'm being honest. And while it's easy to point my finger at Meagan and say it's her fault for taking up the whole time, the real reason I am annoyed is because I didn't just do it on my own. I had the prompting to do this for over a month now, and I knew what I wanted to say, but I was too scared to do it. So it wasn't until Meagan approached me and said she wanted to do one as well that I finally let myself give in to the promptings I had been having. Had I just gone with my gut and done what I thought was right, I could have held me very own zoom call and done it exactly the way I wanted to.
But, there is room to grow from this experience. In fact, I have some take aways that I am thinking about and reflecting on right now!
My first take-away, don't put off a prompting! I am so dang good at letting my own thoughts and rational get in the way of promptings and I have got to stop that! I really want to be someone God can trust not someone who flakes out because I'm scared. And mostly, I feel like someone who flakes out because I'm scared. So here I go, I am going to move forward with my thought to have once weekly zoom meeting where we can meet up and talk about things we have read in the scriptures that week. I know most of the girls won't come! But some of them will, and the ones that do come will uplift each other, will uplift me and can gain something from coming. And even if that helps just ONE GIRL, then it will be totally worth the time and effort (and fear) that goes into it!
My second take away, the five minutes I did get yesterday, I saw something in me that I have never seen before. I saw someone who is good at facilitating a discussion! I saw someone who is lively and happy and has passion and can help others feel it. I saw a small glimpse of the person I want to be, and it was exciting! I even feel like, in some ways, it was God showing me that I can do this! That all my dreams and the things I want, I can make them happen!
I remember one night, over a year ago, when Jaren was out of town for all those months, I was up late one night listening to the Al Carraway graduation talk and the room was so full of the spirit when it was done. It was totally all consuming and all I could do was cry. I was filled with the spirit but also humbly sad about the things I was not. I was not Al Carraway, I was not a good public speaker like that, I was not someone who motivated others to come to Christ nor did I know how to be that person and I wanted it, I wanted it so badly!
And as I sat there, with the spirit pressing down on me so powerfully, all the while being a little sad, I began to say a prayer. I wasn't really sure what I was going to say, I felt the spirit but yet I also felt a little off and it was like I had two conflicting emotions going on. And I was crying, hard! And I couldn't tell if it was a good cry or a jealous cry so I began to pray and as I said the words "Dear Heavenly Father" I was instructed to get on my knees. It was in my head but it was loud and it was a command and I did, I got on my knees and continuers my prayer, and it was a unique prayer, because I didn't say much more than Dear Heavenly Father, rather God was the one doing the talking. He told me that if I give myself to Him, He would make more of me than I could ever imagine on my own. And I knew it, I knew He was right!
And this year is the year I FINALLY have given up trying to pursue other things! A food blogger? Nope, that's not me! A macro coach? Nope, that's not me!
Someone who motivates others to come to Christ? YES! That is me! That is what I want! That is how I want to spend my time and who I want to be!
And yesterday, in the small 5 minutes I had to talk to the girls, I saw that I am becoming that person, with His help, and I remembered the prayer that day when I was instructed to get down on my knees.
Line upon line, precept upon precept!
God id good!
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