I'm sitting outside to do my journaling this morning. The birds are so loud, and they are right outside the boys bedroom windows, I'm scared they are going to wake the boys up! I think one of them is trying to make a nest right above the study but the bird isn't very smart about it. He is so loud when he is out there, with all the intense noise it sounds like two birds are having a fight. But every time I come out it's just one bird that flies away.
I got a note from the bishop last night telling me that one of the girls in the ward attempted suicide. I don't even really know what to say about it. The sad truth is, I'm not surprised. And not because it's this girl, but because the world we live in right now is HARD! And these girls have it HARD! And I know that God called me to this calling right now but I don't know what I can do and how I can help. And God fees far away right now. And I HATE it when God feels far away. And I don't know why sometimes HE feels far away. I am trying and doing everything I can to feel Him close to me but it's not happening. And I can't even see these girls right now, and there is no end in sight! And as I prayed today I asked God to please, show me! Help me! Guide me! I. Can. Not. Do. This. On. My. Own. Nor do I know how to! I have to have help!!
The church has started this thing where they want people to make videos of how they #HearHim. Meaning they want people to submit videos talking about how they hear God and Christ in their everyday lives. And I gotta be honest, I struggle with some of these videos! They are so "in the box"! People hear him when they read their scriptures. People hear him when they pray. People hear him when they go to the temple. God isn't just in those places! We can find Him ANYWHERE! We can hear Him ANYWHERE! Yes, of course we can hear Him when we do those things, but they are so limiting! Do people know that they can hear him when they listen to the radio? Or do they know that God will speak to them when they write? Have they ever had a prayer answered through a phone call from a friend? Or something that showed up in the mail? Did they know that God can connect to us through a television show? If we keep our eyes open, and hearts open, God talks to us anyway He needs to so that we can hear Him, and we are doing everyone, especially our children and youth, a great dis-service by constantly repeating that the only way we can hear Him is through those means.
So I got down on my knees this morning and asked God to help me, and I don't have answers yet! But I know I can #HearHim! And I know that while it may come through scripture study, or prayer, it also may come in some other form. And I pray that as I go through my day, and all the days moving forward, that I will keep my ears open and my heart open and hear what it is that God is telling me to do! Until then, I will move forward in faith. Press on in my calling, doing the things I think are right, because the truth is, I love these girls. And right now, I can feel how much God loves them. My greatest desire is to help them know how much He loves them!
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