It's 6:40 in the morning and here I am, sitting in my spot. This morning when my alarm went off I was excited to get here, there was a pep in my step. I got up, put on my workout clothes and looked in the mirror and repeated three positive affirmations.
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am the creator of the the Shine project
It helped. It really did help! As I repeated those words a smile spread across my face and I believed them.
The shine project is a project idea I had for the young women in the ward. It combines mental health tools with gospel knowledge to create a 6 month program to help implement coping tools into their lives as well as help them grow close to God and their Savior.
It's something I want desperately but it turns out that taking what I have in my head and turning it into a program is a ton of work! And I find that I don't know how to put it into words so every time I sit down to work on it I feel totally overwhelmed. But I am slowly (very slowly) chugging away at it. I have committed to working on it an hour and a half every day. And all I have to do is sit down and write, something will come out, and then I can go back later and rearrange, or take out extra words or fill in what's needed. And so far, it's working! It's coming together slowly, but it is working!
So that was why I chose that third positive affirmation! It is something I want to see come to fruition and so I'm putting the positive affirmation practice to test and I'm going to repeat it each morning! I hope it makes me smile each morning, like it did today.
Since I hurt my back I haven't really been able to exercise but I did discover that I can ride my bike without any pain and so the last two days I have gone on long bike rides and it has been so nice to get out of the house and enjoy nature! This city we live in is absolutely beautiful and I am thankful every day for my friends here and this little piece of nature beauty in the middle of a big, concrete city.
Yesterday I rode my bike over to Leah's house, she got on her bike and we rode around together. We ended up riding for over two hours and just talked about life. It was so nice to talk and catch up! And, we talked about all the things I love to talk about, the gospel and God, and how to connect!
Also yesterday, I started a weight loss program. I hate the sounds of that, I really do! a weight loss program, it just makes me scrunch up my nose. But, I did it! And here's why, I am aging, and I want to take the healthiest version of me into the future. I know I am not overweight! I know that my clothes fit! But there are things about me that people, just looking at me, wouldn't know. I know that I have high blood pressure. I know that my older sister, who is only in her 50's, has heart failure. I know my grandpa died from diabetes. I know that even though I am not overweight, the excess fat I do carry is around my mid-section and that is a very unhealthy place to carry excess fat. And I know, that'll even though I am not overweight and my clothes fit, that I have too much of that fat around my mid section to be classified as healthy.
So regardless of what I LOOK like, I want to know and FEEL like I am healthy and I am doing everything I can to be healthy and take that health with me as I age, especially as menopause creeps into my life! So my plan is to stick with this weight loss program, lose the weight (KEEP IT OFF through a reverse diet - so excited I have that knowledge) and then for my birthday and Christmas sign up for a weightlifting program. Because I know that losing fat around my midsection is not the only thing that will help me as I age, so will having more muscle and so will eating foods that are good for me.
As part of this weight loss program, we track everything we eat. I decided I wanted a real look into what a typical day of eating looks like for me and so I tracked every single thing I ate, and I gotta tell you, I do not eat as healthy as I thought I did. I mean yes, I do eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but I also eat A TON of candy and junk food, and I mean a ton! I am so glad I was honest and wrote down everything I actually ate, not just the stuff I wanted it to reflect I ate, because that is where the actual feedback and growth comes from.
The coach they assigned me told me to reflect on areas I want to improve and I found one area just in day one, I want to eat way less junk food and processed sugars!! So goal for today, pick one treat, one that I really WANT to eat and eat it! But just one, and make it something that sounds good, and that will truly satisfy me, not just something to eat because my brain thinks it will be good, but because my body actually wants it! And if I get through the day and my body doesn't actually WANT anything like that, than that's okay too.
Well, day 2 of weight loss is about to commence! I got this.
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am the creator of the Shine project
This is my picture for todays journal entry. I chose it because it goes along with my affirmation that I am strong, and I like this picture! I like it because it shows that my hard work is paying off. At the beginning of the year I decided I wanted to put more muscle on in my arms and shoulder, especially in the back of my shoulders. As I was getting ready one day, and I went to check the back of my hair I saw my arms from the back and I was so thrilled, yup!! My weight lifting was paying off!
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