Things are finally starting to feel right again in my brain. And I am so scared that as soon as we move back into our house, the schedule will shift again, and I will freak out again. Turns out I struggle with change! But for now I am enjoying the fact that I am feeling like myself again, and that I am feelings the spirit back in my life again, and that I am not having to TRY to be happy, I just am.
Yesterday I was looking around on the gospel living app and I ended up clicking on this link to a face-to-face event where Elder Holland and Elder Eyring were speaking and I can not believe how good it was! One of the questions submitted was, "What if I am not good enough?" Click HERE to find the link!
Here are some of the things I liked.
From Elder Holland
"God is on the job, 24/7, IN AN EFFORT TO HELP US." - I liked this thought! God never does sleep, he is never not there for us. And in fact, not only is He always there for us, but He wants to help us!
"You'll have opposition & you ought not be surprised when you do. It's a fact of life, there is an enemy, we have an opponent. (Referring to Joseph Smith and the first vision) Josephy said he thought he was going to be destroyed. this was not an imaginary ruin but an actual being from an unseen world. He thought he was going to be destroyed. But he said, exerting all my power, EXERTING ALL MY POWER, I called upon God. What the advisory doesn't want you to do is pray. Fight through it, but don't underestimate the fact that you have an opponent." - Okay, WOW!! I so needed to hear this! He so simply stated that we should not be surprised when we have opposition. And that right there is the very thing that has been keeping me feeling depressed! I have been surprised that I have been having opposition lately. Before covid, life was so easy. Like, truly, so very easy. And I loved my life. I loved how balanced it was. I loved that I got me time while the boys were at school and I loved how family time fit in nicely and I loved going to the gym each day where I got to see my friends and motivate people and exercise. The exercise gave me this crazy high feeling and actually, so did standing in front of a room full of people and teaching. And I miss that so badly! It was scary, and it pushed me, and I miss that. Anyways, all that being said, what I had created in my mind was this false reality that if I stay close to God (because at the time I was journaling and reading my scriptures) you'll always be happy. And I know now that isn't always the case. HOWEVER, what I have learned is that if you stay close to God, you can always have peace. And those two things are very different. And just because you are staying close to God does not mean hard times won't come, and I had falsely begun to believe that. What a needed reminder I had from Elder Holland. But then what he says next is so powerful! What should we do when the advisory is bearing down on us? We should, with all our power, turn to our Heavenly Father! With. All. Our. Power! I love the emphasis he put on that. And how do we turn to Him? Through prayer. And one of the great things I am learning as I get older is that there isn't just one way to pray. Yes, there is the traditional form of praying on your knees, but I can pray so many other ways as well. I can pray through my journaling and through meditation, and often those ways are just as powerful for me.
Elder Eyring
"I'm just not good enough, that is from Satan. I'm not perfect. I'm getting better! The Atonement is working in my life, so let's take it one step at a time & don't believe satan." I loved how he put this! This goes right along with the shame game plan I have created and the very first thing we do when we're feeling shame is to acknowledge what it is we're feeling. And since shame comes from none other than satan himself, then when we acknowledge shame, we are basically calling satan out. We're saying, "I see you for what you are Satan, and I'm not gonna listen to you for another second." Ha! Or at least I'm gonna TRY not to listen to you. Sometimes turning off satan's shame tactics can be incredibly difficult.
In reference to the sacrament each week he said, "Try reviewing things that you've done right, where you actually felt Heavenly Father and Jesus were pleased. If you'll do that you'll notice something ... you'll have hope that you're getting better, AND THAT IS REAL! Heavenly Father and Jesus have confidence in you, and you need to have confidence in yourself." YES! YES! YES! What beautiful and powerful advice! I know it's powerful because I have done this very thing and we need to shout this from the rooftops! We need everyone to know that it's okay to look at yourself and see the good! God WANTS US to be able to see the good in ourselves! And this is such a powerful way to find it, by reviewing what you've done WITH GOD and letting Him confirm that what we are doing is pleasing to Him. It bring about such love in our life when we know that.
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